Never Give Maka Soda
by LuckySoulStarEater
Summary: Random violent fanfiction. One chapter cluster of blood, love, pizza, and lack of plot.


"-And that is why you do not eat human souls." Stein finished. The class applauded the crazy scientist and violently picked up their homework.

I look at Soul and he looks at me and I can tell we are thinking the same thing. Murder.

"Maka," he walks up to me, slamming his face against the desk when he takes a seat. He lifts his head and he is bleeding everywhere. "It is time."

"Yes." I nod my head vigorously. "Last time we did this, we discovered Atlantis."

"And it tasted wonderful." Soul licks his lips and coughs up blood. He goes cross-eyed and looks at Blackstar.

"I don't want Blackstar to go." I bite his shoulder. He screams and slams his face against the desk again. "We need someone innocent and unsuspecting."

Soul looks back up. He points at Death the Kid, who is standing up and wearing a weird smile on his face. I think he noticed something symmetrical and wants to lick it. Of course that could kill him, but he does it often and doesn't die. "What about him?" Soul asks. "Kid is innocent."

"He suspects too much."

"Not from his friends." Soul speaks French and I don't understand. He switches back to Spanish and says "Ain't got any Q's for his familiars."

"True." I, too, slam my face onto my desk. I bleed all over my homework and cry. My homework is my only friend, and all I can do is give it answers. I lift my face and Soul transforms. I fly up and hit the back of Kid's stupid head with Soul's handle. He slumps symmetrically and I think he is dead. He is not.

Soul is human again and carries Kid over his shoulder. We leave the room.

Kid wakes up and is clearly upset. Soul and I have tied him asymmetrically to a fallen tree-trunk.

"What are you doing?!" he snaps, struggling to break free from the ropes.

"We are testing something out." I answer. My feet disappear and I land on my butt. I burst out crying because my butt is my sister and she screams in agony. She was never a good sister. Neither was Bill. I never liked Bill.

"What are you testing?!" Kid sounds scared, but he probably just had some sort of asymmetry overload and now he is foaming from the mouth.

"We want to find out how long it takes a shinigami to die." Soul answers.

"That was not what we were testing!" I shoot up and headbutt Soul in the chest. Soul flies backwards, his feet crying. "What we are doing," I straighten out my outfit, "is we are going to use you as a sacrifice to werewolves."

"No you are not!" Kid screams. "Why are you doing this, Maka, Soul? I thought you two were better than this!"

"We are doing this because last time we did something like this, we found Atlantis."

"What does this have to do with finding Atlantis?" Kid's face is of utter disgust. He seems confused. Isn't the answer simple?

"This doesn't have to do with finding Atlantis." I answer simply. "We are just testing something out."

"Werewolves. How do you know they are coming?"

"They are because they are."

"That's not a good answer!"

Soul suddenly lifts off the ground and turns to me. He is eating a pizza.

"I want some." I grab a slice and Soul's hair catches fire.

As Soul's hair is set to flames, he says "It is a full moon. It is very snowy out. Maka, let us observe this from afar. We can't get killed be werewolves... tonight." Soul is always such a turtle. I do not appreciate turtles.

"Hey hey hey!" Kid shrieks. Why does he have to be so annoying when angry?! "First off, I'm cold. Second, sacrificing your friend is NOT COOL!" I see Kid is trying to get to Soul.

"Let it be. Let it be. Let it be. Let it be." Soul keeps saying this in the tune of _Let It Be_. He repeats over and over, and I fall in love with him instantly.

We walk off and I pull a lamp out of my skirt. We are far now and observe Kid from a distance. He is still tied to the fallen log. Good.

Werewolves come by and he screams. They cock their heads and other body parts at him. The werewolves stand on their hind-legs and they are human-like wolf-like. How furry they are. Little Red Riding-Hood all freaking over again.

Kid struggles when the wolves attack him. We can see his limbs break loose from the ropes as the wolves surround him. A bloody mist arises from the area where his body was and the wolves leave him there. When we see his body, he had large chunks of flesh missing but he is still alive and gushing blood. I think he is fatally wounded, but you never know with him. He is super scratched and sexy.

Soul and I suck our Pepsi as we head over to him. He is breathing heavily and blood drips from his mouth and he coughs it up, unable to speak. Man, he's red all over. His eyes are bleeding and one is closed, the other stained red.

"Maka, have we found the eight dimension?" Soul asks, strangling himself.

"No." I answer. "Let's get Kid untied. He may need a few stitches." I lick my nose and taste my flesh. Perfect. My face still tastes like a hot-dog.

It didn't work. We failed. I am a terrible friend. I should have let him die. After all, the werewolves are hungry tonight. Hungry for little boy burgers.

Timmy the bloody tree, rest in peace.


End file.
